Musings

How long does one have to pay for mistakes? How can one person lie to another and think it's OK? How can people make promises they have no intention of keeping? I personally would rather someone tell me the truth, no matter how much it may hurt, than to lie to me. The lie hurts much more then the truth ever could or would. Things like you have only a few people you feel you can really depend on no matter what. They see you at your best and worst, and promise to stay right there with you. They ask you to do certain things for them and you may not really want to but you do, but they promise if you do these things they will do certain other things. Then when the time comes for them to keep their end of the deal they spit in your face and refuse to accept what you have done.You can never do enough to satisfy them or to live up to their standards. I can no longer live up to standards some people have set, so therefore I accept I will never be good enough for them to accept me. I am at an age where I am going to protect myself from the pain and disappointment of trusting others. I've learned you can't trust anyone. You go for years thinking people love you, then one day it hits you like a 2 by 4 that you are out there by yourself and your trust in others was wasted. There are just some people you can't do enough for and while you are willing to put your life on the line for them they aren't willing to keep promises they have made to you, regardless of how trivial those promises are. I guess in the end it won't matter. There are also some of us who need more support than others, more reassurance, because we have less self-esteem. There will come a time when we won't know or cared for us or who knew us, or loved us, or didn't love us or who used us to their own good. Someday no one will even remember we were here. Hopefully someday they will have the same thing happen to them so they know how it feels. Hopefully it won't be too late and everyone involved will forgive them and realize no one is perfect. Until then we are all on our own and have to learn to do without anyone to lean on. For some of us that is extremely hard to learn, especially when we feel no one else cares.