Monday, September 27, 2010

Wants and Needs

Human's need lots of things to survive. Not just things like food, shelter and clothing.We have all heard of babies who suffer of failure to thrive because they get no attention from their mother. So this tell me love is the biggest thing we all need to survive.


Eventually we all expect to loose our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles even good friends. When we do there is pain in our hearts, but over time the hole gets smaller. You never forget the person and the hole never really goes away.But when the lost is a child it is much different. It doesn't matter if the child dies, runs away or just becomes angry with you, it still hurts the same and the hole will never lessen or go away.


I have two children, a son and a daughter. My son has a daughter and my daughter has two sons and a daughter. They are all beautiful, healthy children. They all live far away and I am terrified I will never see them again. I hope they know in my heart I speak to them every day.


Unfortunately my Son decided he did not want to be a father and walked away from his beautiful daughter shortly after she was born. Since they live so far away visiting is difficult and expensive. If not for pictures sent by her mom I'd never know what she looked like.My son is also angry at all of us--why? We really don't know.And so we don't hear from him. I worry and cry. My poor husband will fix anything he can for me, but he just doesn't know how to fix this.


My daughter lives a little closer, but still the travel is long, expensive and difficult.In June and July my granddaughter and her mother were going to be at my daughter's house for several days. I was able to fly tho my daughter house so I could see all four of my grandchildren together. The children are 6,4, 1 & 1.We took them to a professional photographer and had pictures taken. They were all in good moods and wonderful during the shoot. I brought the pictures home, framed them, hung them on the wall. All I can do when I look at the pictures is cry. You see, my daughter and I had a disagreement after I returned home and now we are not speaking.Both of us are stubborn and neither will pick up the phone to call the other.I feel totally alone. My father died nearly a years ago and I knew I would not hear much from my brothers, I feel I have lost all my children and grandchildren, and therefor I feel all the love in my life, except my husband, is gone. As a result I'm missing the biggest thing I need to survive. I can only hope the one who can will come back soon. I love all of them and need them to survive.I also hope each and every one of them know I talk to them in my heart each and every day.


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