Emotions

We have had quite a few emotions going on here over the last two weeks. Our daughter was scheduled to have a c-section on August 24th to deliver her third baby. The baby was actually due August 30th, but c-sections are often done about week in advance and Victoria had chosen my birthday so the baby and I could share something special. Well, this baby has shown us he already has a mind of his own and decided he was not sharing his birthday with anyone, not even his old grandmother. On Saturday August 15th I went to work as usual. I was excited because I knew I only had to work Friday, Saturday and Sunday and then I would start my vacation. About 2300 I was told I had a phone call. I seldom get phone calls at work--my husband works the same hours in the same facility, and usually if I have a call it is work related. When I went to answer the phone the call had been disconnected. About five minutes later the phone rang again and again I was told it was for me, but once again, when I went to pick it up it had been disconnected. I waited this time, and on the third I answered. I heard an unfamiliar voice say she was looking for Monica Mullikin, and I said that was me. She told me her name and that she was a friend of my daughter's. She said my daughter was in the hospital, hooked up to monitors and that they were going to take her baby. She was unable to give me much more information than that as once again the line went dead. Now I was in a panic. I found a phone number for Lemoore Naval Hospital and called. I explained the situation and asked if I could somehow verify that my daughter actually was in the hospital. I was told this would be a violation of HIPPA laws. I told this person I was also a nurse and I knew about HIPPA, but that they could verify my daughter was there and stable. He transferred me to what I think was Labor and Delivery where again I was told they could not tell me anything because of HIPPA, but she did tell me my husband was on another line speaking to my daughter's doctor. At this point they were prepping my daughter for surgery. The doctor told my husband what was taking place and that she would call him after the delivery. The two hours between 2300 and 0100 were the longest of my life. I am usually not a clock watcher, but this night I was. It felt like the hands on the clock just stopped. My co-workers were wonderful, giving me encouragement and support and the time to check on my daughter. Finally about 0100 my husband called with the information the baby had been born. He did not know the baby's name--the doctor did not have that information--but our daughter had suffered a ruptured uterus and CPR had to be done on the baby for a short time after birth. He was on oxygen and IV fluids. Our daughter and the baby were doing OK and the doctor felt all would be fine. If treatment for the baby was not effective they could transfer him to Children's Hospital, but she didn't think this was going to be necessary. It took another hour or so before my husband was able to get a phone number to speak to my daughter, but finally I was able to talk to her. By this time the baby, named Matthew Caleb, was breathing on his own. He was born at 2023 on Augest 15, 2009. Matthew weighed 5 lbs 15 oz and was 18 1/2 inches long. My daughter sounded tired but alright and now I could breathe easier. Her neighbors were helping her out, taking care of Clara and Jonathan, and being wonderful to her. Below are some of the first pictures of Matthew Caleb and his siblings.

Jonathan is peeking at his new brother. He looks very interested in what is in this isolette.

Here are four of the five Steins. Clara was very excited to meet her new brother.

Jonathan looks like he's not really sure what to make of this little person his mom is holding.

Clara was so excited to get to hold Matthew.

Isn't she doing a great job? I know she will be a big help to her mom.

Clara was so proud to be able to hold Matthew by herself.

Clara and Jonathan get their first peek at Matthew.

For all he'd been through Matthew Caleb looked pretty good.

He had good coloring and was just perfect.

Matthew Caleb Stein

Born August 15, 2009 at 2023

8 lbs 15 oz

18 1/2 inches long

PRICELESS






The other emotions concern my father. He is 95 years old and has been living in an assisted living facility for the last five years. In July his blood pressure was very low, he had not been eating and he fell. He was taken to the hospital, and his doctor thought he may have a bowel obstruction. After x-rays and CT scans it was determined he did not have a bowel obstruction, but the doctor did feel his bowel had stopped working. He also was adamant that my father could not go back to the assisted living facility, but needed to go to the nursing facility. He said there really was not a lot more that could be done. Dad is not a candidate for any type of surgery due to his advanced age and dibilitated condition. My oldest brother and his son went to North

Carolina to see my father and to begin the process of cleaning out his room. When they visited my father he mostly slept through the visit. At times he was coherent, but at other times he was not. He was very frail and weak. He is totally deaf and to communicate with him you must write everything on a dry erase board. Because of his loss of hearing his speech is now slurred and difficult to understand.

While cleaning out Dad's room my brother set some things aside for me. I have an interest in researching our family and collect whatever information I can on our family. My brother found a lot of pictures and documents and put them in boxes. He asked if I could go and pick them up, and so my husband and I drove to North Carolina to on August 11th. We made arrangements with the nurses at the assisted living facility to get into his room. When we got to the facility we went to his room first. I found it sad that 95 years could come down to one room and a few memories. When my brother cleaned out the room he found clothing that was worn out, while he had new clothing in packages that had never been opened. Why do elderly people do this? Why do they save shirts and underware for a special occasion that never comes? There were things I know my mother had bought--combs, handerchiefs, disposable razors--that had never been opened. My mother passed away 22 years ago. Again, what were these things being saved for?

After going to his room we asked the nurses where the nursing facility was, and found it was just two buildings down from where we were. We walked to the building, not knowing what to expect. I totally expected my father not to know me, and I was dreding this. I just can't imagine my dad not knowing who I am. When we went into the facility there were alarms going off and strobe lights flashing everywhere. They were having a fire drill. We waited until the drill was over, knowing in most cases you cannot use the elevator during a fire drill. We went upstairs and found his room with no difficulty. I took a deep breath, expecting to find him sleeping and being unable to wake him. When we walked in the room he looked up nad said, "Hi Monica, Hi Mike." I was shocked. He is very old and frail looking as you can see from the pictures. He cannot hear at all, even though he had both his hearing aids in. We used the dry erase board, and every question we asked he answered appropriately. He was clean and dry and appeared to be well taken care of.

I asked him how he felt and he told me he didn't have an ache or pain. We were there about two o'clock in the afternoon, but his lunch tray was still on his over-the-bed table. There was some sort of chopped meat, green beans, mashed potatoes, juice, tea, milk, and a dessert. He had only eaten a few bites, and even told Mike and me we could have it if we wanted. He said he was well taken care of and they treated him good. He had no complaints and looked content, but still it was sad. What goes through his mind? What does he remember? Does he realize he is nearing the end of his life? He does not appear to be anxious or scared. He told us he was unable to get out of bed by himself, nor could he turn himself over without help. He said he wouldn't try to get up without help, but then how would he get help? He would not be able to hear the nurse if he used the call bell, and knowing him would not use it even if he could hear because he wouldn't want to bother anyone. We stayed with him about an hour and in that time no nurse came to check on him. There was a TABS monitor in the room--a monitor that he sits on and if he tries to get up by hismelf it alarms. We managed to bump it and set it off and still no nurse appeared and we turned it off. What good does it do to have the extra safety measures if you are not going to respond to them?

While we were there he decided he wanted something to drink, and Mike poured some water in a cup the first time he indicated this. A little later he wanted some more water, and before we could pour it in the cup he picked up his pitcher and just drank from it. We tried to think of things to tell him, but it is difficult to communicate. We told him we were going to visit Victoria in California and that she was having another baby. He knew immediately who Victoria was and when we told him this would be his tenth great grandchild he was impressed. After about an hour we decided to leave. Dad told us to come visit him again and to send him pictures of the new baby. He asked us if we were staying overnight or going home that night, and we told him we were driving back to Charleston that night. I left feeling a little better. I knew that although anything could happen at any time, he could have been a lot worse than I found him. I had been relieved he knew who I was, but again, I also knew he probably has periods of confusion and incoherence. When we got home I wrote to my brothers to tell them what we had found. My oldest brother was surprised--when he had been to visit just two weeks before Dad had slept through the visits and at times was confused as to what was going on. The next day I got another message from my brother. He had received a call from the nursing home about 2230 the night before--while Mike and I were on our way home. Dad had tried to get up on his own and fell. What possessed him? He had told us he knew he couldn't get up, so why did he try? Stubborness? To show us he still has some control? What was so important that he would try? He did not hurt himself--his feet went from underneath him and he fell on his backside. Then today, August 17th I got yet another message from my brother. Once again Dad tried to get up by himself yesterday, and once again he fell. This time he has a cut on his elbow and a bump on his head. How many more times will this happen before he does hurt himself? How can he be so convincing that he knows what's going on, then do something to make you realize he doesn't? How do you watch your father become totally dependent on someone else? Emotions. They can be good or bad. Up or down. High one moment, low the next. Difficult to control. It is so much easier being on the side of the bed telling the patient and family it will all be OK than being on the side to be the one told it will be OK. You can think you are prepared for what will happen, and to an extent you are, but when it is your family you are never totally prepared. Emotions take their toll. Emotions make us who we are. Emotions can be very scary.